Barbie-stein

(TMI alert - viewer discretion advised)

It's been two weeks since my tissue expander (aka the toaster, football, aggravating nuisance, etc) was removed and my "permanent" implant was put in.  I use quotes because the implant is NOT permanent, it has a shelf life of about 10 or 15 years, when it will need to be replaced, or if I gain a lot of weight or if I decide I want to start another life in the porn industry. I saw my plastic surgeon today, hoping (on my part) to be able to schedule the surgery to get my right boob lift scheduled.  Instead, I got, "looks like it's healing well". And also his recommendation that I don't get the nipple graft- he doesn't think it will be successful.  So at least there is one decision that I no longer have to make.  I wait a month and then see him again, and hopefully be able to schedule my last surgery.  

For my part, I'm still ambivalent about this Barbie boob.  It's certainly not the rocking rack that I envisioned when I first learned I was getting my mastectomy.  Right now it looks like frankenstein with a barbie boob.

I know the scar will heal nicely, when I went in for the surgery, the incision was already a fine white line, so I won't have angry red scars for ever.  I think once I have the lift on the right side and all is healed, I may feel differently.  There are so many stages to the process of healing and at times I get a little impatient.

So here is the progress so far, the weird ripple above the tape is actually my pectoral muscle.  I can actually flex the top part of my boob if I want to, so I guess that can be the super power I gained from this whole experience.  However, I will always and forever only be "cold" on my right side. unless I want to carry peas or wadded up tissue to stick into my bra to have matching THOs.  On that thought, that might be my million dollar idea....stick on nipples for woman who have mastectomies without the nipple graft. I'm wondering if I do a google search what I would find....

In any event, the number one fave tattoo is now still in the running, since there will be no nub to worry about.

I'm continuing on my Herceptin drip every three weeks, my most recent visit was this past Monday and my Oncologist called in my prescription for the devil drug- Tamoxifen.  I will totally laugh and do something to benefit the greater good if it ends up that I get no adverse effects from this drug.  It's the Estrogen suppressant medication that I get to take for the next 5 years.  I haven't started taking it yet, so I'll keep everyone posted once I do. I figure I already went through "menopause in a minute" during my first set of chemo, so I'm not sure what other side effects I can add to the ones I've already been having.  

I had my third muggle (MUGA) scan last week, and according to my doctor my heart is still chugging along fine despite my Oncologist's attempts to destroy it.  :)    

In other news, I did NOT lose my fingernails or toenails, though they have really interesting colors and stripes.  I painted over them and called it good.  I did end up getting neuropathy in that last darned chemo session of Taxotere.  It's not horrible; somedays are worse than others, and trying to button small things is an interesting challenge.  I'm taking Neurontin for it right now, and have been told that it will take some time before it either goes away or doesn't.  So.....another unsolved mystery to ponder over.

On the top side, I AM getting hair, but not much yet on the very top. It's like male pattern baldness in reverse. I still don't have many eyebrows or eyelashes to speak of, but my girl out in Maine told me she had hers by week 8, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the end of March to start looking a little less martian like.   

My weight has recovered nicely, I no longer look like the walking dead, but I have become a bit alarmed at how quickly I was able to get back up to my prior weight.  I guess the days of sitting around and eating ice cream twice a day are over for me.

In that spirit (and also cuz I just bought 3 pair of jeans that I would like to continue to be able to wear for a while), I upped my exercise, and was faithfully practicing my more challenging yoga videos and going to class until the day before my boob surgery.

Two weeks later, still a bit sore,  I decided that I needed to do something that didn't involve that body part.  So I decided that I would begin running.  This is a totally new experience for me.  I'm using the NHS couch potato to 5K in 10 weeks podcast that my husband downloaded.  I started on Tuesday.  On Wednesday, I went to Gazelle sports to buy real running shoes because the ones I had were NOT cutting it.  So now, I feel like a REAL athlete.  I'm not sure why running should make me feel so much different than my yoga practice, maybe because I think of yoga as more of a spiritual thing for me and running is so completely different than the yoga I practice.  I have not yet experienced the "runner's high", at this point all I've experienced is the 'runner's nap' after.  I know it is because I'm still recovering on so many levels, but still, I'm quite proud of myself for starting up something I told my hubby I would NEVER do.  He's already pulling out the 5k races that are in the time frame when I'd theoretically be able to run them.

We'll see how that goes.

for now.....peace~ namaste