The return of Pixie Bad-Ass

TMI Alert: This blog contains content that may not be suitable for uptight viewers or children.


It's amazing what a cut and color can do to your spirit and attitude.The fact that I have enough hair now to allow a cut and color is also a spirit raiser. This is what I looked like last week after going to my oldest step-daughter's graduation honor ceremony. She is graduating Summa Cum Laude, also a member of NHS and plans to study Pre-law at Lake Forest University in Chicago. I'm so proud of her.  We've had our rocky relationship, but she has a good head on shoulders and I KNOW she likes to argue about everything so she might make a great litigator!  

Anyway, since I was all made up I thought I'd get a shot in of my ever thickening hair.  I love the style, it's so easy, and I feel chic when I'm all gussied up, but there was just a little TOO much salt in the pepper for my peace of mind.  So after consulting with my Oncology team (stylist's orders) I was in this past Wednesday for a "DO" over. And Voila! I suddenly have sass and attitude.  My stylist even managed a mini mohawk!
I was totally geeked.  In three weeks I will participate in the Lowell Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society.  I am planning on adding some purple somewhere on my head, I'm just not sure where. I need to get some pre-natal vitamins to get the hair and the nails growing back again.
I've been keeping my nails short and painted just because they look so horrible, but most are starting to look more normal.  I have a few that are probably going to need a few more months before they are back to normal.  My toenails, also have interesting white stripes across them, and my big toes the nail lifts all the way back to almost the middle of the nail.  I'm keeping THOSE painted as well....right now in "Troublemaker" Purple in honor of my girl Victoria, who is recovering from the first of her surgeries for stage 4 colorectal cancer.
She and her hubs went on an adventure vacation in between her chemo/rads and her surgery out to the Appalachians, and caught this lovely picture of her faerie sprite personality that portrays her perfectly.  Just add Glitter and fairy wings for the whole deal.

I haven't been writing as much because I've been doing a TON of things, and also NOT a ton of things due to my finally having my 2nd boob surgery, which is my last- Hopefully for awhile.  The surgery went well, I was on restricted activity for 4 weeks!  Almost killed me...but I got pretty adept at watching past episodes of Deadliest Catch on Netflix and also painting my son's Warhammer miniatures.....more on that in another post!.  Anyway. Here is the outcome the first day after surgery. As you can see, I'm symmetrical again....mostly...the difference being that the right one bounces and the left one....doesn't.  In this photo even though I'm trying not to flex my pectoral muscles, you can see a little of the wrinkling on the roboboob. That will never go away, thought I'm hoping that once I get the tattoo on it, it won't be as noticeable  The date for the girls inked-out rockin' roadtrip has been set for the weekend before the 4th of July.  I'm REALLY wishing it to come sooner, but then again, I told my boss that I thought I'd be coming back to work the middle of July, so the time remaining is bittersweet.

I've been doing so much more, but I think I will postpone the updates for another time, the baby bunnies I got the week I had my surgery, why my dog Max got kicked out of Rally class for being naughty and the potential of my son's Bretonian warhammer army may be completed before I go back to work.

And so....my journey goes on......
namaste

From the pen of Bilbo Baggins....

"Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about, and not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating and even gruesome, may make a good tale, and take a deal of telling anyway."

I read that line and it fits absolutely these past 10 months of my life.  Lots of posts when I was feeling horrible and uncomfortable and gruesome.  Now, things are looking up a bit, though I am still off work on long term disability, waiting for my (hopefully) last surgery, and I feel like the pickings are slim for blog posts.

Obviously, I'm reading "The Hobbit" right now.  I re-read the Lord of the Rings triology last month, and then followed it up with "The Hunger Games" trilogy.  That was a bit of mistake.  I loved the books, but I sobbed for hours after every single one of them.  Is it the mother in me that related to the atrocities done to the children in the book? or was Katniss's pain and mental anguish a little too close to times I remember all too well, when I WISH I had someone to put a morphling drip in my arm and I could just remain in oblivion until the horror was over?  

Sooo....on to a little lighter reading.  I haven't read the Hobbit since college and so I thought I would immerse myself in an exciting and adventuresome tale that didn't hold as many emotional stakes for me.

Additionally, a good friend and former coworker at a local publisher brought me some books to look through. They're from their semi-annual book sale where they get rid of all the prelims that they send out before the book hits the stands.  One of the books was "Invincible- The Chronicles of Nick".  Unfortunately, the 2nd book in the series.  So I went and checked out the first, and read both and am now awaiting the third from the library.  I like pre-reading books that might interest my now 11 (gasp) year old son.  This is Percy Jackson-esque but with Vampires, Were-bears and Zombies.  I thought he might like them, but he is firmly entrenched in the Harry Potter series.  Right now, he's on Order of the Phoenix and loving every page.   I'm so glad that he has finally found the passion for reading that both my husband and I have.  I also discovered the author-Sherrilyn Kenyon wrote about a gazillion other books for youth AND adult.  So I have a 700 page novel about an 11 thousand year old immortal waiting on my bedside table.  

I picked up two other books by chance while at the library, the one I'm reading currently is called "What Should I Do with My Life?" by Po Bronson.  Since I pretty much ask that question to myself everyday but never get an answer I thought I would check it out.  It's an interesting read, but not helping me get closer to MY elusive answer to that question.  But it does support this ennui, or this anxiety I have about returning to my former job.  The practical side says go back and get the paycheck and the annual bonus....and be miserable every single day....again.  The book is full of people who feel/felt the same thing.....that THIS can't be the thing I'm meant to be doing with my life.

Yesterday, I stopped by a local artist shop in my small downtown town, practically a neighbor, one of the few original older shops on MY side of the river.  It used to be a yarn store a few years ago and I was insanely jealous of someone who could open a yarn store in such an awesome building....exposed brick, leaded glass doors, 100-year old wood floors, 20 ft plus ceilings, a dream. The yarn store went out of business after about a year and then I found out that the owner just didn't really want to be in retail.  They tried renting it, without success, and now she has a creative glass and polymer clay shop in that space. Her work is AWESOME. They have an online store -CreArtive customized glass and clay art -but figured that they could just as easily put their product in the shop since it was empty.  I talked to her about her willingness to perhaps co-opt part of the store for a yarn shop?  She said she had thought of it and was amenable to it, but was waiting on someone trying to get a business loan.  We got along so well it was almost scary.  I'm terrified of what the answer will be either way.  This is a dream of mine, but I'm scared to death to take that leap of faith that starting up a business takes.  But, in the spirit of boldness that I had when I first started on this journey that I did not choose, I at least took the first step.  Who knows where that will lead?  I know at least that I will visit her again, and maybe gain a new friend and/or mentor, so I'm glad I stopped in to meet her.

On to CANCER related things, since I guess that is what THIS blog is about, I am FINALLY growing some respectable hair and eyebrows, though the eyelashes are still lacking their former glory. My hair looks a bit sparse in the photo, but it's actually quite a bit thicker in person. I've gone out a few times now in all my glory, it feels so good to be out in public without being the only one wearing a winter hat indoors!  And of course, as you can see it's obviously coming in blonde, so I won't have to spend so much on hair color when I actually have enough hair to color. ha ha.  I was despairing about my eyebrows, since my girl K in ME had full hair, eyebrows and luscious eyelashes by week 12 and I mistakenly counted end of March as 12 week PFC (Post- EFFing Chemo), but it's actually closer to 8, so I still have a month to go. 

I've been on my tamoxifen for almost a full month now, and I've noticed a few side effects, but nothing like those few horrid weeks during chemo when my Ovaries totally shut down the Estrogen.  (also known as the crazy period of this journey).  I've been feeling slightly depressed, but then again, I'm reading about children killing children, at home by myself most of the time and Estrogen deprived.  I figured I could curl up in a fetal position until my LTD ran out and kicked me back to work or I could take charge of my life and go to the gym.  I started running- something that I told my hubby I would NEVER do.  I'm on my third week of week one of the NHS couch potato to 5k in 10 weeks podcast on my iPhone.  I think I may be able to try week 2 next week.  My goal is to be ready to run the 5K Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in September.  Last year, I had just started chemo, and I could barely make it around the 1 mile community walk.  I'm frustrated because I'm underfit.  I've been doing yoga through this whole thing, in some form or another, but no cardio- my nemesis.  So now whenever I feel that blue feeling pulling me back to bed, I grab my gym bag and go to the gym and work out for 30 minutes...either running, or on my off days, elliptical, treadmill or recumbent bicycle.

I'm also dedicating my fundraising energy this year to the ACS Relay for Life this June in Lowell.  I've raised over $300 so far for my friends and family team, and I'm also on the Gilda's club team, so I'll have to walk twice as much since I'm participating on two teams.

I'm dedicating my walk as well as purchased a Luminaria for my girl Victoria, who is currently fighting Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer with lung metastasis at age 39..  She is handling it so well that it gives me inspiration when the small annoyances get to me.  Her doctor's can't even give her a prognosis until they see how well she is responding to her treatment.  She described it to me, and I was horrified and so grateful to feel like I got off easy.  Now, I've just read that one of my followers, and fellow blogger- Lena- has been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer, not even 1 year after her initial Breast Cancer diagnosis.   It made me so mad and sad to read her post, that I'm going to need to purchase another luminaria in support of her.  

The strangest thing is that I went to knowing 2 people who have had cancer in my large group of acquaintances, to knowing WAY WAY too many. I could raise my $100 goal just buying luminarias for all the people I've met battling cancer or who have lost the batttle.   This is one reason why I chose to do the American Cancer Society's Relay as my main fundraiser.  

Here is my Relay for Life webpage, if you'd like to contribute to the cause, or buy a luminaria in honor, memory or support of someone with Cancer. If you sign up online, you can have a message printed on the bag.  They line the high school track with them, and light them at nightfall.  I've never done this before, but I think it's going to be pretty overwhelming.

I guess Bilbo was right.....the uncomfortable and gruesome do take some time in the telling.

Until next time- om shanti

"Awwww....Freak out!"

Last week I had my first official post cancer freak out.  I had a sore spot on my shoulder blade that had been bothering me for a week or so.   I have been going to the gym to try and work on getting my stamina up, so my first thought is that one of my workout tops rubbed it the wrong way.  Then the seat belt was aggravating it.  Finally, I was feeling around for the sore spot and BAM...there it is.....a lump under my collar bone.  I'm thinking to myself....this is NOT happening to me again.

So different from my first reaction to the lump on my breast.   This, after talking to my Rheumatologist about how I'm dosing myself with Enbrel as little as possible to control my symptoms.  I met a woman at yoga with RA who DID get lymphoma while taking Enbrel and Humera, so now it's officially on the table as something real that can happen to people, not just a black box warning on a sheet of paper from the pharmacist.  

So I spent  two days of thinking, there is no way that I can have a recurrence or a new tumor so close to stopping Chemo comes with the terror of remembering back to the day when a strange lump in my breast did nothing more than make me pause and think, I should probably have someone look at this at some point.

Rather than worry myself longer than I had to, I called my doctor to have her check it out. She tells me that it's feels like an enlarged lymph node, nothing to worry about, I probably have a little bit of something or other. But if it's still there in 2 weeks, I can get it biopsied for piece of mind.   I feel foolish. I don't want to spend the rest of my life freaking out about every little lump bump or illness that comes my way, but right now, I can't help it.  I worry that all this that I have been through and all that is still yet to come will not make any difference in the long run.

I think this is a normal reaction at this point.  After all, I just found out last night that the grieving process doesn't take place until 6-18 months AFTER the traumatic event.  Just about the time your friends and family think that the ordeal is mostly over and we all can return to a normal existence.  I feel nowhere close to normal at this point.

This is me almost exactly one year ago, when we took Connor to Chicago to celebrate his 10th birthday.  I know I will never be this person again.

Here is the hair update: Still no eyebrows or eyelashes, but I've gone out in public the past two nights without wearing a hat or scarf on my head, but a lot of eye makeup.  I'm still dealing with the neuropathy in my finger tips and toes from the last session of Taxotere in February.  I won't know if it will ever go away. At this point, I just have to wait and see, and bear it if it doesn't.  The good news is that I didn't lose my nails or my toenails. My finger nails look horrid, but they aren't lifting up or anything, they are just discolored and funky looking.  I ended up putting on nail polish and keep cutting them down in hopes of getting them looking back to normal as soon as possible.

chemo nails

It's a month since my boob 2.0 upgrade, and the real implant is more comfortable than the football they had in there before, but not as much as I had hoped.  I still get phantom pain where there is nothing to hurt and I feel like I am now smuggling a water balloon in my chest.   I know that I will eventually get used to this feeling, too.  Humans are so wonderfully adaptable, but I don't know if I will ever be happy about it.  It doesn't look real, it doesn't feel real, and I seriously question myself sometimes for ever going thru with it in the first place, rather than just cutting it off and being done with it.  No one prepared me for what it would be like to have a part of myself cut off, even though they can reproduce something that looks normal as long as I have clothes on.   I see my boob doctor next on April 9th and I hope that I can get a date for the breast lift for the right side, so I can put these surgeries behind me and get on with it.  

I just don't know what "IT" is at the moment.

Barbie-stein

(TMI alert - viewer discretion advised)

It's been two weeks since my tissue expander (aka the toaster, football, aggravating nuisance, etc) was removed and my "permanent" implant was put in.  I use quotes because the implant is NOT permanent, it has a shelf life of about 10 or 15 years, when it will need to be replaced, or if I gain a lot of weight or if I decide I want to start another life in the porn industry. I saw my plastic surgeon today, hoping (on my part) to be able to schedule the surgery to get my right boob lift scheduled.  Instead, I got, "looks like it's healing well". And also his recommendation that I don't get the nipple graft- he doesn't think it will be successful.  So at least there is one decision that I no longer have to make.  I wait a month and then see him again, and hopefully be able to schedule my last surgery.  

For my part, I'm still ambivalent about this Barbie boob.  It's certainly not the rocking rack that I envisioned when I first learned I was getting my mastectomy.  Right now it looks like frankenstein with a barbie boob.

I know the scar will heal nicely, when I went in for the surgery, the incision was already a fine white line, so I won't have angry red scars for ever.  I think once I have the lift on the right side and all is healed, I may feel differently.  There are so many stages to the process of healing and at times I get a little impatient.

So here is the progress so far, the weird ripple above the tape is actually my pectoral muscle.  I can actually flex the top part of my boob if I want to, so I guess that can be the super power I gained from this whole experience.  However, I will always and forever only be "cold" on my right side. unless I want to carry peas or wadded up tissue to stick into my bra to have matching THOs.  On that thought, that might be my million dollar idea....stick on nipples for woman who have mastectomies without the nipple graft. I'm wondering if I do a google search what I would find....

In any event, the number one fave tattoo is now still in the running, since there will be no nub to worry about.

I'm continuing on my Herceptin drip every three weeks, my most recent visit was this past Monday and my Oncologist called in my prescription for the devil drug- Tamoxifen.  I will totally laugh and do something to benefit the greater good if it ends up that I get no adverse effects from this drug.  It's the Estrogen suppressant medication that I get to take for the next 5 years.  I haven't started taking it yet, so I'll keep everyone posted once I do. I figure I already went through "menopause in a minute" during my first set of chemo, so I'm not sure what other side effects I can add to the ones I've already been having.  

I had my third muggle (MUGA) scan last week, and according to my doctor my heart is still chugging along fine despite my Oncologist's attempts to destroy it.  :)    

In other news, I did NOT lose my fingernails or toenails, though they have really interesting colors and stripes.  I painted over them and called it good.  I did end up getting neuropathy in that last darned chemo session of Taxotere.  It's not horrible; somedays are worse than others, and trying to button small things is an interesting challenge.  I'm taking Neurontin for it right now, and have been told that it will take some time before it either goes away or doesn't.  So.....another unsolved mystery to ponder over.

On the top side, I AM getting hair, but not much yet on the very top. It's like male pattern baldness in reverse. I still don't have many eyebrows or eyelashes to speak of, but my girl out in Maine told me she had hers by week 8, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the end of March to start looking a little less martian like.   

My weight has recovered nicely, I no longer look like the walking dead, but I have become a bit alarmed at how quickly I was able to get back up to my prior weight.  I guess the days of sitting around and eating ice cream twice a day are over for me.

In that spirit (and also cuz I just bought 3 pair of jeans that I would like to continue to be able to wear for a while), I upped my exercise, and was faithfully practicing my more challenging yoga videos and going to class until the day before my boob surgery.

Two weeks later, still a bit sore,  I decided that I needed to do something that didn't involve that body part.  So I decided that I would begin running.  This is a totally new experience for me.  I'm using the NHS couch potato to 5K in 10 weeks podcast that my husband downloaded.  I started on Tuesday.  On Wednesday, I went to Gazelle sports to buy real running shoes because the ones I had were NOT cutting it.  So now, I feel like a REAL athlete.  I'm not sure why running should make me feel so much different than my yoga practice, maybe because I think of yoga as more of a spiritual thing for me and running is so completely different than the yoga I practice.  I have not yet experienced the "runner's high", at this point all I've experienced is the 'runner's nap' after.  I know it is because I'm still recovering on so many levels, but still, I'm quite proud of myself for starting up something I told my hubby I would NEVER do.  He's already pulling out the 5k races that are in the time frame when I'd theoretically be able to run them.

We'll see how that goes.

for now.....peace~ namaste

Boob 2.0

or..... "The great nipple debate"




"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavement...Even if it leads nowhere?" ~Adele


Yes, I am in love with Adele.  I've had here in one of my Pandora stations for months, not really realizing that she was a relatively new artist on the scene.  I will continue to be in love with her even now that she is a big thing.

I get my new boob in three days.  The days seem to be dragging.  I'm excited to get the tissue expander out, and to start to get to know this newest member of my body.  I'm not sure if I will continue to feel this way after the surgery, but right now, it seems that even tho I will have two visible breasts on my body, I will always and ever only have one breast left.  Maybe it's just the obvious foreignness of the tissue expander that makes me feel this way, but, even after the implant goes in, I will still have no feeling on that side...left side is just for your viewing pleasure.   To that end I've been struggling with what to do with it once it's in place.   There is an astounding number of options that I'm faced with:


1. implant, only.  Your basic Barbie boob, with a ginormous scar across the front.
2. implant plus nipple nub.  Depending on where they get the skin graft from, the nub is either skin colored or not. Up to this point I have been afraid to ask what my options are for skin graft options.
3. implant plus nipple nub plus tattooed color to match the other nipple.  This would be the 'matching set' option.
4. implant, no nub, just a tattoo that gives the "trompe d'oeil" effect of having a nipple, only it never gets cold.
5. any of the above 4 options plus a kick ass tattoo that would make it REALLY something to look at.

This is my favorite for a variety of reasons:


It's the sign of "OM" in the middle of a lotus blossom.
According to www.omville.com, "Om, according to the ancient scripts of the Vedic civilization, is the sound of life. It is the infinite vibration that shimmers through the Universe, providing life and sustenance to everything. Om is the beginning and will continue till the end; the one constant that unites all of creation at its deepest level."





According to eastern beliefs Lotus bloom symbolizes rebirth. In Buddhism, it is the most essential symbol for spirituality and art.White lotus signifies the state of spiritual perfection; red lotus is related to the purity of the heart and can have the meaning of love and passion. The pink lotus is the perfect of all and stands for the deity, when the blue lotus symbolizes the wisdom of knowledge.

The lotus also denotes truth and enlightenment, especially to those of the Buddhist faith. In a lot of ways, it expresses the quest for truth and enlightenment amongst the darkness and struggles of life. (excerpted from a blog at http://www.types-of-flowers.org/blog/meaning-of-lotus-tattoos/)

My 2nd fave:

(above the nipple and then swing the stem around it)

So......Here is the next dilemma I face.  I have a few weeks to decide, they will do the nipple procedure when I get the right breast upgraded.  Feel free to leave your comment and opinion!

om shanti om.

"Sometimes I think that I'm breaking down...."

"and other times I think that I'm fine
But something got into my engine
It slowed me down
Now I gotta turn this whole thing around."
~Poe "Dolphin"

The worst of my chemo is finally over.  I'm done.  I feel like I should be relieved, but the truth is that I still have 10 more months of IV therapy with Herceptin, which will hopefully keep the aggressive, invasive, recurring thing that I have in my body in check.  In a few more weeks I'll add Tamoxifen, and expect to go into full menopause for the next 5 years, something I have already experienced through the first round of chemo drugs that I received.

On Feb 22, I'll be getting the roboboob out and replaced with the 'permanent' one.  I use "" because, the implants only last 10-15 years, so I can expect to need tune-ups from time to time, or if I gain a lot of weight I'll need to redo it to even out.  So even though I can hype it up that I'm done with chemo, which is of course a big deal, it by no means means I'm done with dealing with this cancer. My hair is starting to grow back on the sides and in the back, on top though, so I still can't get away with not wearing a hat when I go out in public.  I can't really tell what it will end up looking like, I don't really care, I'd just like to start looking a little more normal again.  I'm down to about 4 eyebrows on each side, and still just little tiny eyelashes that do nothing to protect my eyes-they are constantly watering.

I have a date with my oncologist on Valentines day- that is my first treatment of Herceptin alone. I should be relatively quick...only about 30 minutes to infuse, plus the doctor visit, compared to 4-5 hours for the chemo before.

I've been working with my Long Term Disability company, I've been on it since January 1st and they provided me an attorney group to help me apply for Social Security Disability.  I'm not sure if I qualify or not, so we'll see what happens.  I had lunch with my supervisor and told her I thought end of April is a good point to think about my return to work.  Hopefully I will have enough hair by then to go to work without a hat.

I am in a strange place at the moment.  I've been feeling very tired and unmotivated these last few weeks, after a flurry of activity which I thought would carry on.  But the motivation wound down some, and now I'm back to feeling that little edgy panic in the back of my brain whenever I think about returning to the world of the living.  Just like I couldn't imagine what chemo would be like, I can't seem to imagine me back into my old life, doing the same things I did before I was diagnosed.   A lot of it just seems pointless.

I really thought that I would have had an epiphany before now, something that would change my life for the better, but all that's happened is that I've had 2 dear friends having to deal with horrible health challenges, and now it's MY turn to feel helpless and sad that I can't do anything to make things better for them..

I haven't really felt the motivation to write lately, I've been listening to a lot of music and knitting.  I also went through the whole Harry Potter series, AGAIN.  But they are safe for me to read, and now my son and hubs are also reading the series for the very first time.  This is fun for me as they tell me where they are and how different from the movies they are.

I've been slacking on my practice as well, limited to a few forward bends and leg stretches to undo the hours of sitting and knitting, plus back and chest stretches to keep my roboboob from turning me into the hunchback of Notre Dame.

I realize now is the time for me to start living again, use my limited remaining time off for personal improvement- gym, yoga whatever, but I haven't had the impetus to start it.

I know I'll get through this, I'm hoping the reconstruction surgery will trigger something in me to get my life back together, because right now it seems to be unraveling a bit.  However, endeavor on I must, what other choice to I have?

"It makes sense that it should feel this way...

"It makes sense that it should feel just this way
That you slowly fade and yet still remain
As if to say: Everything matters in such an invisible way
As if to say: It's O.K.
Fly...away"  Poe


I haven't been around much lately.  The upside to feeling better.  There hasn't been too many interesting things to report. Christmas and New Years went by and wasn't too overly stressful.  The weather's been a bit weird for MI. Just this week we started getting some snow.  I'm not complaining.

Connor broke his thumb right Christmas break,  greenstick fracture, caused by getting hit by a hockey stick in gym.  He just got it off this week, on Tuesday, the same day we commemorated the passing of our dog, Roxie, one year ago.  She had cancer, too.  Trying to explain to your 10 year old that just because we put the dog to sleep because of her cancer didn't mean the same treatment plan for Mom.


































I did a lot of knitting before xmas and I think even more after-   Hat for my sis-in-law in charcoal and raspberry Alpaca/acrylic blend.  The Chilly Podster mitten for my sis- that was challenging but I think I need to make myself a pair, they are very warm and useful!

                                  

After Christmas knitting was done, I started on stuff for me.   I made a couple of Hair hats for me- when I'm feeling the need to have a little extra flair.

Both using Lion Brand homespun, one in brown with all colors, blues, pinks, greens, and one in tan, grey and white. Then I felt the need to buy some delicious Malabrigo Merino to make another one, but now that I have it, and have 2 hats, I'm not sure I want to make a 3rd hat the same or find some other fun project to use it for.  It's heavenly soft, my SIL's friend made me a bonnet in lavender Malabrigo and it's heavenly to wear around the house. I started on my sock stash until I can figure out what I want to do with it.

Next Monday is my last session of Chemo with Taxotere!  I'm very excited to be done with the cell destroyers, even though this round of chemo has been much gentler than the first round.  I still have 10 more months of IV Herceptin every 3 weeks, then the Tamoxifen, but my hair is already starting to grow back in on my head at least.  I have dark stuff in the back like when I first shaved it off, still nothing on the top...but I'm feeling encouraged that I may have something to work with maybe in a month or so.

I met with Dr. Booby, a few weeks ago, too, my last fill, and then I told him I was done- schedule the surgery, so I will be having my tissue expander removed and my new boob on Feb 22.  After that, we'll schedule the lift for the right boob and then I'll have to figure out if I want a fake nipple or a really cool tattoo on the robo boob.  I'm opting for the tattoo but I know I should wait to see how it looks.

Two semi-antique velvet wing chairs
and a table/lamp for the music room

Other than that, I've been doing some improvements around the house, small stuff, and Estate sale shopping, my dream come true, and got some truly beautiful pieces of furniture for the house at great prices.  Connor also requested that we update his room to a more mature theme, so I went fabric shopping and found some beautiful curtain material and then my mom threw me a king size sheet in the perfect tan color to use as a duvet cover.  I just need to free up the kitchen table so that I can start sewing.


I'm trying not to think what happens beyond that. It's all beyond my control at this point. So I am just focusing on enjoying my time off, feeling better every day, and getting through my surgeries. After that, who knows what will happen?

New Linens for Connor's room

my prize, a curvy front dresser, as the buffet
in our dining room